I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
