he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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