They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
