lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
