i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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