Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
