Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
