just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
