o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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