hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
