So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She told me I should be a condom model.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
