Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
