He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
