I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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