I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
