ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
