I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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