I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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