Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
