I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize