the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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