Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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