Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
