You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
