I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
