At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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