I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
