I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the day after is always just damage control
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
