My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize