The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
