R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
