Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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