dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
