I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
