Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
