youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize