I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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