and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
