i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
