they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
