one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
