she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
