i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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