Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
