she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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