you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
