she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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