Me too!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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