I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize