pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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