I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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