oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
