i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
