i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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