I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Barsexuality is the new black.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
