Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Can Purell be used as lube?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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