I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
