The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize