yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm passing your future prison.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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