Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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