Jerry, you need to find god
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
