1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
