I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
