And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
