I can't breathe out the right side of my face
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
