why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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