help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
