My nipple is on Facebook.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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