First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
