nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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