She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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