garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
home. puking in laundry basket.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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